I'm Self-Employed. And I Have a Brain Tumor.

I've always been a planner. I run my one-person business like a well-oiled machine. I've saved money in a rainy-day fund, in case I lose a client or something unexpected happens.

None of those things prepared me for a brain tumor diagnosis.

In many ways, I'm lucky. The tumor is benign. It's not impacting the "thinking" part of my brain. As I sat in the ER, waiting for the results of the MRI, I was terrified that I would lose who I am as a person. There are other risks to the surgery, but I'll come out with my faculties intact.

But as the news sank in, I faced a devastating reality: my business will change, dramatically. At least for a period of time. It's just me. I am a freelance content marketer and journalist. I have a blog, Substack, and newsletter, and I run all of those things by myself. I work with a virtual assistant, but there's only so much she can do.

On top of that, the recovery from brain surgery is a huge question mark. Because of the tumor's location, I might lose my hearing in one ear. Or have trouble smiling or using my arm. There's absolutely no way to know in advance.

On top of that, there aren't a lot of resources around "how to run a business when you're dealing with a major medical issue."

I've had to come up with a plan on my own.

I've created lists of everything that needs to be done.

Lists, lists, and more lists. All in Todoist. I've also created a bunch of iPhone notes as I think of things I need to get done over the next 40 days before surgery.

Some of my lists are personal, like making sure bills are paid and coordinating transportation to my kids' activities. But a lot are related to running my business. For example:

• Pre-writing and pre-scheduling content
• Contacting all of my clients to let them know, since I won't be available for weeks
• Thinking through all the tasks that need to get done while I'm gone

For example, people regularly reach out to me through my website. Someone will need to field those requests and potentially reply, letting the person know that I'm not available for medical reasons.

It's hard to think through everything that will need coverage while I'm unavailable, but I keep adding to the list.

It's particularly hard because I don't know what recovery will be like. The neurosurgeon told me a minimum of six weeks before I can resume normal activities. But because of the risks of damage, it might be longer.

I've had to make peace with the fact that whatever plan I come up with, I'll need to adapt. I need to take whatever time is needed to recover.

My brain feels broken.

With all of my planning and list-making, I'm constantly overwhelmed. Forty days seems like a long time to prepare, but it's not. There's just so much.

Sometimes I sit at my computer, unable to think of what to do next. Other times, I'm thinking of a million things.

I'm sleeping terribly. I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. My mind spirals around the "what-ifs."

Will my kids be ok? Will my business be ok? Will I be ok?

I've never gone through anything like this in the years I've been self-employed. I've had to prioritize my personal life over work before, but nothing like this. All of my normal processes and tricks for staying focused and on task while working have completely flown out the window.

I have to lean on people.

I realized very quickly that people want to help. I don't have to do this alone.

Before I made a public announcement, I had a list of tasks that I was going to divvy up among family and close friends. After I made the announcement, so many people have come forward saying, "How can I help?"

I've always kept my business tightly within my control. That's part of what makes my work authentically me. While I can wrap up and pause client work, I can't pause everything. Putting all of my content on hiatus would have a long-term negative impact on my business overall, since content is part of my marketing strategy. I will already take a hit from pausing work. I can't rebuild from scratch. So I need to keep things moving.

As people have reached out, I've started asking for specific things, based on my relationship with the person and their skillset. In some cases, I don't reply right away. But then I think of something and reach out later, saying, "Actually... could you help with XYZ?"

People don't know what you need. But they won't offer unless they genuinely want to help. There's absolutely no way to get through this as a one-person business unless I lean on people.

I have to trust that things will be fine long-term. My business will survive, even if it takes some time to rebuild. The people I'm relying on will take care of the things I ask them to do.

And I will be fine. I'm not going to die. My brain will still work. Everything else, I can deal with.

If you'd like to support my brain tumor recovery, you can buy me a coffee. I also have a GoFundMe to offset the loss of income while I can't work. I'd greatly appreciate any support. ❤️

You can follow my brain tumor journey in my personal blog.