How Being a Parent Improved My Career
Yes, it’s hard work. And yes, I’ve learned a lot.
Countless articles talk about how having kids can be a career setback.
Parents often find themselves passed over for promotions, struggling to work the required hours, or discriminated against. It’s easy for those without kids to say that a new parent’s “priorities have shifted,” and that’s what holds them back.
Women, in particular, are impacted, with their earning potential dropping 20% compared to their male counterparts after having children. These issues are very valid and frustrating for anyone who wants to have children.
My three children have changed every aspect of my life, but people rarely talk about how kids can make a working person’s life better. I’m long past the difficult early days of diapers and bottles and no sleep. It’s easier to reflect when you’re not “in the thick of it.” And my children have had a positive impact on my career.
I Have To Be Flexible
I used to think very rigidly about work. There was a right way to get things done and a wrong way. I’d find myself irritated when other people (parents or not) didn’t meet my standards.
Children completely upended my thinking. I realized that I couldn’t control other people. No matter how much I want something to happen a certain way, children have their own plans and ideas. And I have to adapt.
I was a perfectionist before I had kids. But perfectionism wasn’t sustainable with babies in the house. I learned to let go of things that didn’t matter and be more flexible with my thinking about “good enough.”
It didn’t mean that I sacrificed quality in my work or my job. But I approached work differently. I learned to be more forgiving of myself and others.
And I came to expect flexibility in the workplace. Not only was I more flexible with others, but I expected them to be flexible with me. Flexibility should be extended to everyone, not just parents. Because life happens and our lives don’t revolve around work.
I Have To Protect My Time
Along with being a perfectionist, I was an over-achiever. I had no boundaries.
I worked long hours, but I can’t say that my time was well spent. My work habits developed because I liked work and had all the time in the world to dedicate to work.
When my kids were born, my “extra time” vanished. I couldn’t put in long hours, even if I wanted to (which I didn’t — I was exhausted).
My kids forced me to set boundaries with my time. When they were babies, they went to daycare. Dropoff and pickup became the bookends of my workday.
If I had continued to work long hours, there would be no time left for myself. And I quickly saw that I would fall apart if my entire existence revolved around children and work.
As my kids grew older, after-school activities and other kid-related things also crept into my day. I don’t allow work to interfere with those things. I learned not to let work control my time: I was in control of my time and made decisions about how to spend it.
I Have To Be Ruthlessly Efficient
All of my talk about flexibility and protecting my time may make it sound like I was dedicating less to my job. I was, but only by using hours as a measurement. Not based on what I could accomplish.
I realized that I was measuring hard work by the number of hours I put in. But it didn’t have to be that way.
I “cut the fluff” from my day — work that didn’t really have an impact. I learned to use automation tools to get rid of boring and tedious (but necessary) tasks. Protecting my time also meant getting rid of useless meetings, so I was “gaining time” in my day.
Work smarter, not harder.
I Am More Empathetic
When I first started working, one of my colleagues had really young kids. And they were always sick. Her workday was constantly interrupted by calls from daycare or trips to the doctor. I thought she wasn’t as dedicated to her work.
I was so, so wrong. Kids are sick all the time, and people without kids have no idea. My colleague had learned, and I later learned, to be efficient even when caring for sick kids. It might mean catching up in the evening or working while the sick kid was napping.
Later, when I became a manager, I was so much more empathetic to life outside of work, whether it was kids or something else. It’s about prioritizing what’s important. Sometimes it’s work. Sometimes it’s life.
And while my heart became more empathetic, my tolerance for nonsense went down to nothing. Part of ruthless efficiency means that I hate people who waste my time.
Endless meetings where nothing was accomplished? My enemy. People who leaned on me for answers instead of looking up information themselves? Infuriating.
But it also made me realize that I’d been very accommodating. I wanted to help people instead of teaching them to help themselves. In some cases, I was truly the only one with the answer, but in other cases, people were taking advantage of me.
What’s the saying, “Give a person a fish, and they’ll eat for a day; teach a person to fish, and they’ll eat for a lifetime?” The people around me needed to learn how to fish. I no longer had time to feed everyone.
I Am Setting an Example for My Kids
When my kids were still young, I was promoted to an executive role. But it didn’t change much about my day-to-day interactions with my family. I was so good at boundaries and time management by that time that I was able to fit my new responsibilities into my existing work routine.
What my kids saw was a mom who juggled work and home life. Who had to make decisions? Who sometimes said, “I have to work right now,” and other times left work in the middle of the day to attend a work function.
When my son was young and asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, I replied, “I want to work from home.” From me, he learned that work is something you do, not someplace you go.
When my kids were older, I quit my executive job. I’m now self-employed. So, my kids have seen another evolution and one that requires a whole new set of boundaries and masterful balancing between work and home life.
Anna Burgess Yang
Rethinking the Workplace
My career improved because I learned that parenting and work have to co-exist.
My children helped me learn how to interact differently with people around me.
Parents, especially women, suffer career setbacks because they’re seen as less dedicated. I’m not less dedicated. I may have put in fewer hours, but I made those hours more effective. The proof is in the successes I achieved, not the hours I put in.
While other people may have seen parenting as a limitation in my career, I consider it a strength. I don’t do one job; I do two jobs. And I do them both well.
Did my priorities change? Absolutely. Do working parents need flexibility? Absolutely. Companies that don’t allow flexibility are short-sighted and, frankly, cruel. They’re prioritizing profits over people. And forgetting that parents are literally preparing the next generation for work.
I hope that parents feel empowered to quit jobs like that. Because they deserve better.
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